It’s another dinner and you’re on the fence. You are not sure whether or not to invest more time and effort into the relationship – there are many fish in the sea but not all are worth catching.
He is not hiding another wife or life somewhere else. He simply needs to be emotionally available to you and not hung up on an ex or the love of his life who got away. You can’t compete with ghosts. He can’t give you all of himself if he is saving it for someone else or he is completely withdrawn due to a nasty breakup. He may be relationship material later but right now let him lick his own wounds privately and send him to the friend zone.
4. He is fair-minded.
As you probe deeper into his opinions, experiences and values, look out for rigid belief systems and a lack of accountability. If a hurtful experience occurred, does he take his fair share of the blame? Is it only she did me so wrong? In a debate, can he concede a point or understand your point of view? You may choose to journey together and what you’d like is a partner who can have a balanced outlook and find middle ground. His ego is not so big that he always needs to be right.
3. Lines of communication are open.
Some people are naturally reserved. This is fine. Does he tell you about his dreams? Can he share his hurt? Does he inquire about you? If you are having an off day, can he see that in your behavior and desire to help? Can he hear what you are saying and act from a place of support? On the flip side, does he talk over you or tune you out? Does he dismiss your concerns casually? Is he all about himself? Who do you want to grow old with?
2. You are on the same page.
It creates unnecessary friction to have two conflicting life scripts. Do you both want marriage or children? How do the both of you handle finances? You love to spend but he pinches those pennies. What are your core values and beliefs? Do they align? Divisive beliefs and financial concerns can tear a couple apart. Remove as many impediments to a happy relationship as possible.
1. You are perfectly imperfect as is your partner.
We all have our flaws and eccentricities. Both partners should love each other as they are and not as they wish they would be. In fact, you are amazing exactly as you are and you wouldn’t want him any other way. Unconditional love is not blind but it can encompass all. You don’t have to lose five pounds to be the woman for him.